There’s more than one way to come out of the closet
LGBTQ people know very well how to disclose their sexual orientation and gender identity. We’re not great at talking about our money. Here’s how we can change that.
This is a sponsored post written in collaboration with Prudential Financial. All opinions expressed in this post are based on our personal views.
Is it time to come out of your safe?
Prudential makes a concerted effort to help many communities across America understand the importance of financial well-being and to give families and individuals the tools to achieve it. Some of the data they uncovered as part of their work 2018 Financial Wellness Census helped them understand the current state of America’s financial well-being. We’ve teamed up with Prudential to help more people in the LGBTQ community discover some of our money truths.
As part of this financial wellness campaign We recently did an interview Queer money® Financial Therapist and Prudential Financial Wellness Advocate, Amanda Clayman. A striking theme from this interview is how both older and younger LGBTQ couples lack the role models they need to manage their money as couples and how small changes can drastically improve our financial well-being.
“Especially when queer people grow up with straight, cisgender parents,” Clayman says, “they may create a model for themselves of what their lives should be.” Often, members of our community are not represented in financial services advertising and we are not growing stopped watching how a healthy LGBTQ couple handles their money together, so we need to fill in the gaps about what a healthy relationship looks like between LGBTQ couples and their money.
The rapid changes we have seen recently in marriage equality and the inconsistent laws for LGBTQ people from state to state are exacerbating these challenges for LGBTQ couples. “When we look at certain institutional elements, like the ability to get married (or) to be eligible for spousal and pension benefits, those have a huge impact on people’s lives,” Clayman says. She continues: “It’s not just ‘What does the law say?’ or ‘What does the law say?’ Today“It’s about how we integrate different ideas of role models (into our lives) or what a life cycle looks like.”
It’s difficult to see these connections because money, like gender identity and sexual orientation, is so personal and involves many emotions that people feel personal shame and embarrassment, especially in the way they struggle with it . Consequently, we mask our truth to represent what we want people to see or what we think people expect. “We, so many of us, present a very closed view of ourselves financially, and that leaves us individually and collectively disempowered,” Clayman says.
We can now have this discussion openly. We need to have this conversation openly.
As Clayman says, “Living in the closet creates a feeling that ‘my outside self has to look a certain way and I have to protect my inside self.'” There is something about our relationship or our circumstances regarding money , which makes us feel vulnerable. For many, this vulnerable part remains closed.”
We encourage people who have already spoken out about their sexual orientation or gender identity and expressed their human truth to extend this to their financial lives and view their truth as a 360-degree experience. We must ask ourselves whether there is a disconnect between our public and private financial realities. Will it be easy? No. But just like talking about our sexual orientation or gender identity will be liberating.
3 ways to come out of the closet when it comes to money
Clayman asks, “Where does financial well-being fit in with all the other things we work on in our lives?” Financial well-being is higher up the triangle of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, but that doesn’t make it any less important.
For a community still searching for safety, security and equality, financial well-being may not be a priority. However, it is important that we include financial well-being when we talk about self-care and our mental and physical health. Otherwise, we risk compromising our financial health and may never truly achieve safety, security, or equality.
It’s easy to add this discussion point to our community discussion. Clayman says, “Just starting a conversation helps people overcome their boundaries around money.” When we relax these boundaries, we will have honest discussions that truly help LGBTQ people, LGBTQ couples, and the LGBTQ community .
How do we get out of our money secrecy? Clayman says, “It starts with getting the information and then engaging in the money discussion.”
1. Find a financial mentor
While finding money mentors as an LGBTQ couple may not be as easy as turning to mom and dad, there are people who can provide examples of financial wellness and with whom to build a financial mentorship can.
Look for a financial mentor in your own micro-community, someone who may be a little better off than you, who can share their challenges and successes, and who can point you in the right direction to find answers.
Remember that not every relationship needs a goal. You could just talk about money the way friends talk about investing strategies on the golf course or joke about the latest drag race results.
2. Find a financial confidant
When we open up to even one person, we can expand our truth and be more inclusive in our community. It starts with person-to-person visibility and then expands outward.
We have long advocated finding a responsible partner. An accountability partner can be a financial colleague who checks on your progress or with whom you work to encourage each other. And it doesn’t even have to be one person. One or more LGBTQ couples can also be responsible partners for each other.
If you’re struggling to manage your financial well-being and want to make changes, find a couple or couples in your circle of friends or influence that you can work with in the same way many people do with investment clubs.
3. Find relevant financial resources
Find resources on-topic and specific to LGBTQ money that are becoming easier to find every day.
The topic of LGBTQ money in financial media and financial services is becoming increasingly important. That’s a good thing because as we often say, while the basics of money are the same for everyone, there are unique risks, concerns and nuances that make up about 20% of money different for LGBTQ people.
Many LGBTQ blogs and podcasts cover LGBTQ personal finance topics, and more blogs and podcasts dedicated to LGBTQ personal finance are popping up every day. Traditional financial media reports on LGBTQ money issues more regularly, and financial services companies like Prudential are doing a lot of work to better understand and serve the LGBTQ community. (For more LBGTQ findings, see their report The Cut: Exploring financial well-being in diverse populations.)
Finally, money coaches and therapists like Clayman learn more about the LGBTQ community and our financial challenges to better serve their LGBTQ clients and couples with their money.
Find the combination of resources that works best for you and your partner, then share what you learn with your wider LGBTQ community. As previously mentioned, personal finance is becoming more important in the LGBTQ community. You could be the first in your circle of friends to use something incredibly useful.
There are many ways to come out of the shadows today, and there are many reasons for this. Financial well-being is just one of them. But in order to climb further up Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, it’s important that we do. The three tips above are a good place to start.
Click here to take this Financial Wellness Quiz and find out how you’re doing and learn some tips that will help even the smartest people improve their finances.