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It’s time to talk to your partner about money
Who knows why? But talking about money with a partner is hard, right? To make the money conversation easier, get these 5 tips for having a highly successful money conversation with your partner.
Talk to your partner about money
On one hand, talking about money can be difficult. On the other hand, it is generally important that you and your significant other are on the same wavelength. Even if you don’t have the same financial goals, being on the same financial page with your partner or spouse can mean the difference between financial success and financial failure.
We both said that if we hadn’t talked about our finances, gotten on the same page about money, and then worked together, we wouldn’t have been able to pay off our share of $51,000 in credit card debt. to achieve our common goal of becoming debt free.
Relationship satisfaction and financial security are just two of the five building blocks of a happy gay life. This means that getting on the same financial page with your husband or partner not only leads to greater intimacy and connection (e.g. better sex), but it also puts you in control of your money (e.g . have no debt, don’t live paycheck to paycheck). ). Get all five building blocks for a happy gay life here.
So the question is: How do you broach the subject with a significant other who refuses to talk about money? How do you have the conversation about money with your captain so that it doesn’t lead to an argument?
Hear 5 unique ways to talk about money with your partner:
As part of our 2021 Live Fabulously Not Fabulously Broke campaign, here are our top five tips.
How to talk to your partner about money
1. Blame us for wanting to talk about money with your partner
Often the hardest part is starting a conversation about money. If it’s not part of your regular dialogue, it can feel awkward and unnatural.
That’s why we like to take one for the team (keep it clean, boy). To fuel the money conversation, blame us.
Tell your husband you read or heard about this gay money blog Queer money® Podcast a series of reasons why couples should talk about money. If you deflect blame for wanting to have this conversation, it will take some pressure off of you and make him feel like you’re not putting pressure on him so much as taking the advice of a third party.
Need a few reasons why couples should talk about money? Here are some:
- Couples who talk about money are 78% more likely to have better sex
- Couples who talk about money do better with their money
- Talking about money reduces – or eliminates – one of the three most common reasons why couples break up: money problems
- When you talk about money, you create a team that works toward your financial goals
- Talking to your partner about money will reduce your and his financial fears
2. Raise the issue of money publicly
Another way to take the seriousness out of your initial conversations about money is to bring the topic up publicly. Whether at dinner, at the bar, or walking in the park, talking about money in public won’t make him feel like he’s being cornered or attacked.
It’s open. It’s free. Maybe it’s even fun.
3. Start the money conversation with your hopes and dreams
The trigger for most couples talking about money is often that something has gone wrong with their money. Payment of an invoice was refused. A week before payday you have no money left. Like us, you’ve realized that you’re both in credit card debt. One of you is tired of always having to pay for everything.
Using these negative situations as reasons to talk about money with your partner is a recipe for a financial argument. Financial battles rarely end with positive results.
We recommend flipping the script. During your first conversations about money, focus on your goals and dreams.
What does your dream house look like and where is it located? Will you have children? If so, how many and how will you give them the life they deserve? Will you finance your studies? What charities would you both like to support and how would you like to support them? What does retirement look like? When will it start and where will it be?
Once you have identified and shared these dreams, ask, “What do we need to do to make them come true?”
How much money do we need to save? How can we save so much money together? What do we need to do differently today so we can have (this house, these kids, this retirement, etc.) tomorrow?
Then go a step deeper to find out what you should do right now to start making your dreams a reality. How much debt and what type of debt do you need to pay off? How do we fix our credit score? How much should we start saving and investing today? How do we make more money?
Starting with your dreams first and then addressing how you finance your dreams will keep the conversation about money constructive and positive.
4. Listen more than you talk during the money conversation
You may be the one who has the courage to start the conversation about money with your partner, but you will keep the conversation friendly if you listen more than you talk.
First, it will give you greater insight into your partner’s true feelings. Understanding where he is coming from and the meaning behind his words will help you keep the conversation constructive. When you understand him to this degree, you can discover his true thoughts and feelings.
We all have many emotions associated with money. Not only are our finances an indication of our financial security, but we also allow them to serve as a barometer of our self-esteem. That’s why so many of us emphasize all the things we have, even if we don’t have the financial means for them.
If you talk less and listen more, he will get the feeling that you are having a conversation and not debating or arguing. It’s very likely that talking about money is a negative experience for him – it is for many people. Letting him talk more will make him feel heard and not confronted.
This will keep the conversation positive now and give you the opportunity to have more constructive conversations later.
Get the #1 hurdle to your success:
5. Let the money do the talking in small doses
Speaking of time, let this conversation happen over time. It doesn’t have to happen all at once – and it would be better if it didn’t.
Because so many of us carry so much baggage around money into adulthood, talking about money can be difficult, no matter how much advice you follow to keep the conversation constructive.
For this reason, your husband may also not have thought about the answer to some of these bigger questions. Don’t put too much pressure on him to have all the answers now. Postpone the conversation until an agreed date.
Just say, “I just have a few goals that I’d like to accomplish together.” Let’s continue this conversation next week.” That way, when you bring up the topic of money again, he knows it’s coming up. and can prepare for it in the meantime.
These are our five starter tips for talking to your partner about money. Trust us! As difficult as the conversation may be, having a constructive conversation about money will be amazing for both your finances and your love life.
If it’s worth having, it’s also worth talking about money.
Here are other tools you can use to be successful in life and money with your partner: