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Domestic violence against LGBTQ people
When we think of domestic violence, we usually think of sexual or physical violence. We don’t think about domestic violence among LGBTQ people, but there is domestic violence among LGBTQ people and there is help. For anyone you think needs it, grab a free copy 5 building blocks for a happy gay life Here.
Become aware of domestic violence in the LGBTQ sector
In the mental images our brain conjures up, we usually see a woman suffering at the hands of her male partner. While intimate partner violence (IPV) sometimes occurs in this way, that is not the whole story. The first thing you should know is that the rate of domestic violence among LGBTQ people is the same as in heterosexual couple relationships.
The second misconception that needs to be resolved is the idea that there must be a physical threat for abuse to occur. Sexual and physical violence certainly leave psychological scars, but you can suffer brain damage from psychological, verbal, or emotional abuse.
Then there is financial abuse. Financial abuse occurs in up to 99% of abusive relationships and is a way to trap your partner so that they cannot leave the relationship. All abuse stems from control issues; In these cases, money is simply the instrument of control.
What are the signs of financial abuse?
If physical or sexual violence occurs, there is a high chance that you, too, will become a victim of financial abuse. This doesn’t mean that your partner has to physically hurt you to hurt you through financial manipulation.
The most common signs of financial abuse include:
- Your partner won’t let you work
- Your partner prohibits you from further education/vocational training
- Your partner doesn’t let you take control of your own finances
- They remain excluded from financial decisions that are normally made as a couple or family
- Your partner gives you compensation and/or demands money from you
- Your partner doesn’t allow you to get financial education
- Your partner is stealing your identity
- Your partner is threatening to ruin your credit by withholding the money you need to pay bills that are in your name
- Your partner makes purchases on joint accounts without discussing this with you first
- Your partner forces you to work for him or his company without paying you for it
- Your partner refuses to contribute to the household bills
- Your partner issues bills in your name or takes out loans in your name – and then refuses to help pay them
- Your partner receives your wages or entitlement benefits
- Your partner refuses to contribute to the costs for your child
You can see that while the perpetrator may be the primary or sole breadwinner, this is not always the case. You could work 40 hours a week and still be a victim of financial abuse.
The intersection of economic and cultural abuse and LGBTQ domestic violence
There are additional potential negative economic consequences of abuse in LGBTQ relationships. These take form in the form of culture or identity abuse.
Culture/identity abuse as LGBTQ domestic violence includes:
- Your partner threatens to out you
- Your partner threatens to make your HIV diagnosis public
- Your relationship isolates you from the LGBTQ community
- Your partner is preventing you from attending support groups
- Your partner blames your gender identity or sexual orientation for the abuse
- Your partner is telling you that abuse is normal in LGBTQ relationships. (That’s a lie. It’s not.)
By exercising control in this way, especially by threatening to out you, your partner poses a very real economic threat to you. This is a unique form of domestic violence against LGBTQ people because because so many states have no anti-discrimination laws (NDAs) to support the LGBTQ community, your partner is essentially threatening to harm you through both discriminatory employment practices and discriminatory housing practices to throw out of the house.
Seeking help with anti-LGBTQ domestic violence
You are not alone and this is not your fault. Abuse does not happen because of your gender identity, sexual orientation, or any action you take.
Abuse happens when your partner has control issues. Your problems exist with or without you. It’s that simple.
But that doesn’t mean getting out of an abusive relationship is easy. Fortunately, there are resources that can help. Organizations such as The Network La Red in Boston, The Anti-Violence Project in New York City, and The NW Network in Seattle are among the largest organizations addressing LGBTQ domestic violence as part of their mission.
There are others too. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Call 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) to find such organizations near you. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can also help you find shelters that have completed cultural competency training. Cultural competency training is becoming more common since the Violence Against Women Act was changed in 2013 to provide more protections for LGBTQ survivors.
If you are experiencing domestic violence against LGBTQ people, including financial abuse, seek financial education if possible. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence provides free copies of her book in English or Spanish. Hope and strength for your personal finances, to all survivors.
More help and resources to end LGBTQ domestic violence:
Feminine thrift is an award-winning financial blog for women that believes empathy and financial awareness can empower and improve communities. Listen to Femme talk about ending domestic violence, including LGBTQ domestic violence, on Queer Money®.