The financial distractions of the fabulously bankrupt
Once upon a time, like many LGBTQ people, we were more concerned with surviving and living for today than preparing for tomorrow. These financial distractions are the reason We struggle to be debt free and why we feel uncertain about retirement. It kept us from our hopes and dreams. Can you understand that?
Dancing queens
My mind wanders to amazing places, both real and imagined, like a techno-lit dance floor with shirtless muscle men enveloped in dry ice fumes. I recently used the elliptical machine at our gym. The TV in front of me was playing music videos, a bit like MTV, back when MTV played music videos and not Jerry Springer auditions. There were two videos in a row that reminded me of the early 2000s and took me back to our club days, nights full of financial distractions where we danced until morning.
Neither David nor I were “club kids” per se. We were a little too old to qualify. We didn’t dress up in raver clothes. We didn’t go to clubs either everyone Weekend, as required by the Club Kids Mafia, but went on most weekends and some school evenings. We were there so often that it was rare that we had to pay to enter the clubs.
The mid-90s to mid-2000s were the golden years of Denver’s gay club scene. There were dozens of gay clubs, bars and restaurants where you could let your unicorn fly. From techno to leather, from bears to piano and from gym boyz to drag queens, everything was there. I moved to Denver from Philly and was used to and hoping for a decent gay scene. I was relieved to learn that my passion for snowboarding didn’t put a glamorous end to my disco days.
Trapped in a bad romance
David and I met on the dance floor of a gay disco when we were in our late 20s to mid 30s and just reaching the peak of our social lives. We were finally liberated, like many gay men at the time. The United States was quickly moving toward accepting the LGBT community, but our high school days weren’t long behind us. Nowadays being gay in high school was bad. Always.
Because of this, LGBT people have not had the same dating and social experiences as our straight friends. Even when we pretended or even convinced ourselves that we wanted heterosexual relationships, they never ended well. While dating during high school was awkward for everyone, it was especially awkward for us. We haven’t grown socially at the same pace. We were five to ten years behind our direct colleagues.
While our friends had their first high school flings, we watched. When our friends settled down, we had our first relationships. Marriage has only recently become an option. As a result, same-sex relationships are often calculated in dog years. This is ironic, since David and I have several straight friends who met, married, and divorced during the time we were together.
Hear how three gay men got buried in credit card debt and then got out:
Yes, fraud
Social studies suggest that gay men, in particular, strive for the perfect home, the perfect car, the perfect career, and the perfect body to make up for years of feeling less than perfect. This desire, coupled with our delayed social maturation just as our careers were beginning, created a veritable storm of financial distractions for David and me. We had and spent a lot of money to see and be seen and to look good when we were seen.
We bought new cars with terms of more than six years and down payments with credit cards. Every square foot of our house was covered in Pottery Barn, which was purchased but not covered in plastic. We had the latest clothes and phones. We spent more time in the gym than we ever would have on a budget. These were all financial distractions.
We often wonder where we would be today if we avoided debt We paid off our debts faster. We were lucky enough to have our disco ball moment at some point rather than never having it at all. At that moment we realized what situation we were in and what we had to do to get out of it.
We were $51,000 in credit card debt and living in a basement apartment with two broken-down cars while our straight peers were buying their first homes. Find out how you can pay off your debt faster than you thought possible Click here.
The financial distractions are gone
Now the same questions kept coming up:
- What do we want most from life?
- What stops us from doing what we want most in life?
- What are we willing to do to make it happen?
These three questions changed our lives.
This allows us to focus on our authentic selves and not our superficial selves. We thought about the long term and not the temporary. The club scene and everything that came with it wasn’t what we wanted. They were financial distractions.
We paid off our debt in two and a half years. So if you can identify with us at our lowest point, you can also identify with us at our peak. Just know that when you’re buried in debt, You too can become debt free. But you have to start somewhere.
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